The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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