I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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