I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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