I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
