I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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