He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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