A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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