i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
