im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
