dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
