You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
