so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
