That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
