Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
