No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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