wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
