You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
