My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
