Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
