Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
