What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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