none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
