Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
