I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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