Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
