remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
