guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
