Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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