with your own penis?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
