We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
