dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your penis caused this!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
