I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
