this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
