I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
