we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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