Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
