So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
