Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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