Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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