She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
