'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
