You can't special order awesome
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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