How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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