i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
