I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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