thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
