if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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