Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
