Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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