the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
