Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
