he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
