i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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