I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
