dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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