i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
