HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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