yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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