The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
