4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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