Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
