It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
